How to Give Your Manager Hard Feedback
Yes, it's awkward. And yes, you can do it artfully.
Giving feedback is hard.
Giving feedback to your manager, the person who technically controls your job?
That’s terrifying.
Even if your manager says they want feedback, even if you trust them… a part of your brain is still going, “What if this goes sideways?”
That’s normal.
You’re not just navigating a conversation—you’re navigating risk. Risk to your reputation, your standing on the team, maybe even your job security. Plus, if you’ve had past experiences where feedback wasn’t welcomed—where it was brushed off, held against you, or subtly changed how you were perceived? Well, you probably have some scars.
So your hesitation makes sense. It’s a form of self-protection.
But here’s the reframe: giving your manager feedback doesn’t have to be an act of confrontation. It can be an act of collaboration. A way of saying, “I care enough about this relationship—and the work—to speak up.”
The trick is learning how to do it in a way that’s strategic.
Let’s dig in.
Data, Not Emotion
The secret to giving hard feedback1? Ground your feedback in data, not emotion.
To be clear, this is important in any kind of feedback exchange but its especially important in this exchange. Why?
It keeps the conversation productive. It gives your manager something tactical to react to, rather than triggering defensiveness. And it helps you stay steady in an uneven power dynamic.
Here are a few scenarios clients of mine have been navigating lately and how they’ve approached giving feedback that lands with their managers:
The low context manager
When your manager’s digital tone feels rude, short, or unclear…
Written communication is ripe for misinterpretation. It’s why I advocate so hard for return to office. Since everyone can’t snap their fingers and make that happen, we’ve got to work with what we have, which is virtual communication.
So let’s set the scene:
You’re in back-to-back meetings and, after hours, you get the vague slack from your manager “did we ever hear back on that thing from earlier?
Your mind races…was it the strategy doc? Or maybe it was the marketing brief? Are they talking about the CMO or the EM?
Panic sets in. Your brain jumps from what is this to I should know to I’m failing faster than you can respond to said slack.
Instead of devolving into this common spiral, consider responding with:
“Hey, can we have a quick chat first thing in the morning? I want to make sure I’m understanding this right.”
Taking the conversation off slack and into a real-time conversation helps you reset the tone, get clarity, and make it easier to give feedback in a neutral way like:
“I noticed sometimes when I get messages that are super short outside of working hours, I find myself spiraling a bit. Is that something you’re open to talking about?”
There’s a decent chance your manager has no idea what kind of spiral they’re igniting with their cryptic messaging.
First, whenever you can, move the digital conversation to a real time one. Take advantage of technology like slack huddles or voice notes to bring intonation, quick clarity and ease to vague messages.
Second, stick with the data even when it feels emotional. Here, highlight the data: the pattern of vague messages after hours. As a result of this pattern, you find yourself spiraling, but really working inefficiently to get the answers needed. Together you can come up with a better way.
The kite-in-the-wind manager
When your manager has you playing whack-a-mole...
This is one of the most painful of situations and, sadly, one of the most common situations: a product team without a clear product vision. It leaves teams reactive and lacking a clear “why” behind the work.
So let’s set the scene:
You’ve been chasing down to do’s for project A since Monday.
Entering your 1:1, ready to present findings on Wednesday, your manager utters “never mind about Project A, we really need to focus on Project B.”
You’re gutted because another week of work gets washed down the drain.
This is an objectively tough situation! While it’s not something that gets solved overnight, it is something that can be improved with time and intention.
Start with your own data. Track where your time is going for a week including the pivots and context switching. Quantify how the pivots create expensive tradeoffs. Then bring that information to your manager:
“Here’s what I’ve been working on this week—and where I spent time. Last week when I pivoted to something else, the team lost momentum on the sprint so I wanted to check in on trade offs when we context switch.”
Presenting the data turns the conversation into a collaboration, rather than a complaint. Be specific and show your manager where your time is spent. Often, managers aren’t even aware of the time spent on certain activities. When you quantify the time spent and the consequences, you bring the manager in as a collaborator to your work. The conversation goes from “I need you to pivot” to “let’s chat about what pivoting might mean for you and the team.”
The drama stoking manager
When your manager doesn’t realize they’re putting you in the middle of the drama...
This one’s tricky. As I like to say, product is politics. But, when your manager is fueling the politics, it can quickly devolve into an emotional situation.
Stay in the data.
Let’s set the scene:
You’re getting conflicting direction from your manager and your manager’s manager.
You’re stuck in the middle. And you might even be managing a bit of back talk.
The feedback to your manager might sound like:
“I’m noticing I’m getting conflicting information from you and Z, and it may be contributing to the team’s speed. Would you be open to helping me get everyone in the same room to clarify direction?”
When you’re holding conflicting information, the best thing you can do it bring everyone together onto a real time call. That way, you can present the data and lean into the conflict thats driving the inefficiency. When you present the data it becomes less of a “they said, they said” and more of an honest conversation around the facts. Not about the human error, emotions or politics that are fueling the conflict.
Giving feedback to your manager is an art form. It’s also an act of collaboration that makes your life easier and their role as a manager stronger.
And yes, it’s easier said than done. But like most things, the goal isn’t perfection—it’s progress.
Sometimes progress requires a little bit of discomfort.
Use the data to alleviate the discomfort.
You’ve got this. 💪
Hi - I’m Jori and I’m a Product Coach.
If you’re looking for support - drop me a note, I’d love to connect. 🤝
I co-host Product Leadership Breakfast NYC, a monthly product breakfast series for PM leaders. If you live in NYC or find yourself passing through, join us! ☕
I think the secret to giving good feedback is to provide specificity.