Do you ever have those weeks where it seems the universe is trying to hit you with a specific message, through multiple channels, beckoning you to pay attention?
Last week was one of those weeks.
It was a mix of physical, emotional, personal, professional madness. It wasn’t anything life-threatening, rather, small paper cuts that somehow felt worse. Inconveniences that wouldn’t be terrible on their own but were extra painful in tandem with other problems. The kind of messiness that wakes you up at 2am, begging you to organize yourself, journal or fix it all in wee hours of the night. So you surrender, and you wake up groggy at a 60% instead of your normal 90%.
That kind of week.
My victim saboteur sprung into action and ran the show. She’s a historic, well-practiced part. She seeped into big conversations and micro interactions. And I hated the way I felt when I led with her voice.
Inherent in her leadership is resistance. Specifically, resistance to mess. And while I know resistance creates extra energy and upset, I often fail to temper resistance when I feel most weak.
But, last week the universe challenged me to temper my resistance to mess. It started in my inbox…
tolerate it
, one of my favorite ‘stackers, most recently wrote about the madness of parenting. It’s here she introduced me to the idea of tolerating the mess. I’ve started noticing something interesting: Most the people I look up to are what you might call “Type B.” I don’t mean people who are scattered and stressed as a result (I do love those types though), but the kind of people who laugh off the rules, aren’t trying to look or do things perfectly, and seem far more relaxed and present because of it. I’m thinking of people who are capable of tolerating mess, and for whom that tolerance opens up a lot of space in their lives. Of course it’s impressive when someone seems to manage to do it all or whatever (shout out to the dream girl of the 2010s), but I’m far more intrigued and inspired by someone who seems capable of living well with less than that.
I’ve started searching for more tolerance in tiny ways: by leaving this or that mess, by letting go of my preconceived hierarchies of tasks, by seeing my ability to relax in an unkempt living room as a sign of maturation rather than the opposite. These are just the most literal versions of what I’m talking about, but I’ve been shocked to discover how well the attempts have worked so far, how much looser and more open they’ve made me feel without much effort. - Excerpt from her piece
Wow, I needed to hear that, I thought Sunday at 11am (yes, I eagerly await her Sunday think piece, and, ofc know the publish time.)
I loved this framework and realized I needed to adopt it.
Tolerate the mess, yes I can totally try that.
appreciate it
Naturally, the topic of chaos took center stage during my coaching session this week.
I proudly told my coach how I was loosening my grip on control, delegating out work and softening my inbox zero personality. I told him I was experimenting with tolerating the mess.
This wasn’t enough for him.
He pushed me harder and asked me, “What would you do and who would you have to be to appreciate the mess? Maybe even learn to love the mess.”
I was confounded at his question and had a difficult time answering on the spot.
I pontificated.
I suppose appreciating and loving the mess makes life less boring, brings on new challenges and opens lots of doors.
The question stayed lodged in my brain.
can’t live without it
So when the universe universed some more, my coach’s question echo’ed in my ears during a late night TV binge.
The Bear. Season 4, Episode 8 was the one I watched the day after my session. Did he really just say that? I sat up in bed and rewound the clip.
Let me set the scene. Tina, the lovable mom of the kitchen, is practicing her prep time on a pasta dish she’s failing at. Luca, the British stage, strolls over to Tina’s station.
Luca takes my appreciate the mess and raises me a can’t live without the mess.
I recorded a bootleg of the scene here because it’s a lot more fun to watch. Sorry for the glare.
In 5 days the universe pushed me hard to…
tolerate the mess, then
appreciate the mess, then
thrive in the mess.
And now, I’m sitting in that escalation and learning what that means. I’m not quite at thrive, but I like to think of tolerating as my new baseline.
Tell me, how do you thrive in the mess? I’d love to know.
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* Since publishing this, some related reading that speaks to this topic that folks have shared with me:
Hi - I’m Jori and I’m a Product Coach. If you’re Product Leader or on a Product team looking for support - drop me a note.
So funny because I was just praising myself this weekend for tolerating mess (literal) better than I usually do. Context is that my boyfriend and I go to the beach to surf regularly now and so there is a lot of sand - everywhere in the house. But we have so much fun I have to just let it go. I’m going to think about how to bring this pov into my life more globally now. Thank you for the perspective!
Such a good clip!